by Jahzeel Dionne V. Ybasco
It starts as a seed. Then it grows roots. When it is watered and taken care of properly, it develops into a bud, then a plant. Who knows whatever it may grow into – a beautiful and fragrant flower or a sturdy fruitful tree or a graceful and dainty vine. What it becomes we will never know when disrespectful and indifferent people carelessly trample upon it. That is how some of the most poetic of us describe love and falling out of it. I have felt this before and ever encounter has been painful. What I used to look forward to, now I have learned to detest. What I eagerly looked for, now I desperately try to evade. It is an experience that is not entirely foreign but it saddens me just the same.
This is not just an ordinary love. It is my love for Work specifically Teaching.
I feel I work too hard to be indispensable and it is sad to notice that the dedication I had for it has been replaced by the need to buy things that will help me be more motivated. I have to support a lifestyle that has become more expensive so I can force myself to push the doors open, spend eight hours of my day in a suffocating cubicle, teaching a language a student may not love as much as I do.
I wish acknowledgment of hardwork does not come late. It had been recognition I wanted from the very beginning, and it is the very thing I was deprived of. Frustration has already taken its toll on me and I have already stopped asking myself why I wanted to excel in a field I did not choose in the first place. Maybe I just needed a closure. A ceremony for me to finally move on and concentrate where my heart really belongs. However, haven’t I already received an answer? Teaching has just dumped, coldly.
I cannot take this route forever. I have already given my best and although it is a cliché, yes, my best hasn’t been enough. I need to gather the same amount of energy and focus on the field I should have pursued in the first place.
It has been a one-sided love affair and like any lover, I have gone tired. Kobe Bryant has already said goodbye to the game he loves and that has loved him back. I’m saying goodbye to the industry that has given me the chance to grow, but has been stingy to give me any recognition. I’m finally stepping out and let the curtains fall behind me.
I will stop watering the seed.