Some kind of ADDICTION

Some kind of ADDICTION

Jahzeel Dionne V. Ybasco

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They say that in order to forget about an old addiction, you have to find a new one.

 

I have to be honest. About a year ago, a mania took over me: marketing my book. I remember juggling the scanty breaks I had to memorize Hiragana, Katakana and Kanjis and promote To Be Continued. Trolling Goodreads, Amazon, and even Book Review sites, I sent hundreds of emails to a number of people to read and review my book. The hunger was real–I just had to find that one person who could say something good about my baby, and then another, and another. It all became too much until I could not recognize who I was anymore. Such was the life of an amateur self-published Author.

 

Then, one of my first acquaintances in publishing wrote a blog about how he turned out to be a Marketing Agent and not a writer. I was ashamed of myself when I figured out, I had been living the same kind of life for a number of weeks–not that there was something wrong about being an Agent because there is none; it was just a path I did not choose to take. I was so preoccupied with marketing my book, getting rejected, nursing my broken heart, getting positive feedback, feeling over the moon–in that cycle– I did not even have time to write a chapter for my next novel. “Nobody stops being a writer” and it was so embarrassing to stop caring about doing  what I loved just because I wanted to look for someone who would read the first product of my sleepless toils.

 

Depression hit me hard. Not as hard as some people in the world to drive me to insanity and cut people from my life. The better term I guess for this was frustration. Was I trying to get famous? Believed me when I say  I laughed a hollow one because I had not even thought about that. I enjoyed how words and stories weave inside my head, flow through my fingertips and stain my paper and I still do. Was it wrong to share that creativity to the world? No it was not. What my biggest mistake was I forgot that I had started writing for myself, without having any regard to what people might say about my works. I bore my first children in Fanfiction.Net and let them roam around freely, and whether readers found them interesting or boring I charged every review to my experience. Why was it more difficult to let go of my novel then? When my thoughts could not reach beyond this boundary, I told myself, it was about time to put my pen down and look for other things that could inspire writing again. I needed a distraction.

 

Another whirlwind of addiction came and it swept me away with it. I got in touch with Foreign music again, a reminder why I started blogging in the first place, Music. Getting busy because I enjoyed Japanese and Korean music helped boost my enthusiasm in learning 日本語. I could pick up words and even write faster in Japanese. At last, there was something I could do so easily!

 

The plus side of it all was I learned to enjoy making friends online which I honestly find difficult to do in real life. It was so much easier creating an alter ego whose persona nobody could judge. There were challenging moments because nobody could pierce through the shield called internet. It was difficult to love wholeheartedly and receiving love came with a tinge of insincerity. The people I chose and who chose me in return were different though. I could not help but trust them.

 

Then, I decided to give my online friends copies of my book. Little did I know that this could put more pressure on me. A piece of me could be judged–what is even worse was the idea that they would not read nor judge it all because it was mine and they would rather have a great relationship with whom they thought I was–another image that I built to protect myself. I laid myself bare, subject to scrutiny.

 

I was back to square one. Before I knew it, I started getting busier, trying to forget what these people might say about me or my book. The internet proved to be a good distraction once more because I was able to see book review jobs~~I could review novels and get copies of them for free. It was perfect. I barely had enough time to worry about the addictions that became too much to bear. However, I missed those who gave me a reason to be more accommodating in social networks. Yes, I could listen to the group we follow, I could buy the rest of the CDs, I could have followed the group without interacting with them but to my surprise I couldn’t. It was not as fun.

 

I can conclude my blog here, in a state of depression… or hopelessness, whatever I want to call it. However, comes with it is an anticipation of acceptance and that is what I am addicted to.

 

Seriously, I think I need a rehab.

Defining Moment

by Jahzeel Dionne V Ybasco

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How do you define success?

What is success for you?

These questions are possibly the most common ones you can find in slam books – those colorful little notebooks containing questions that made the lives of those born in the 80’s and 90’s go round. They were meant to be handed down to a person’s closest cliques. If you were not in someone’s slam book, you were not definitely not a friend. It was the closest thing to Facebook when I was in high school.

I loved to read the somehow irrational and childish answers of my beloved classmates. Apparently, I had classmates who were too lonely to include “attaining happiness” as a gauge to their success. Either that or they considered themselves successful upon reaching High School. As far as I am concerned I didn’t have a classmate who was so depressed he committed suicide. There were those who attributed success to owning a car and having a personal swimming pool in the backyard of their make-believe castles. Yeah, and maybe my answers back then ran along those lines as well. I even wanted to have my own basketball court on the rooftop. I also wanted to have my own library-this being more plausible.

Oh yes, I did love to answer those success-questions. I had a foolish idea back then that teaching in College defined success. Compared to the first jobs I had, at last I had something I was interested in doing, something that could give me the drive. The bosses were great and inspiring and they even made me want to be part of a new generation of educators, people who could motivate students and show how learning could be possibly fun. However, good things tend to last short. Good people went out, new people came in. New rules were set and those hungry for power intimidated the weak. I might have become a better teacher after what I went through in those years I stayed there but sadly, it did not make me feel successful. It did not.

“But dreams do come true.”-Giselle, Enchanted

tbc 3  

Mine did. My mother received two copies of my novels just few days ago. The fact that I have been able to produce a novel finally sank it. She couldn’t believe it. And I…well, I am ecstatic. If slam books still exist, I know I have the perfect answer now. Some people may say it is still too early for me to define this moment my success. Some novels have been published but more of them have been scrapped from polished bookshelves. But just like pregnant mothers, giving birth to their children, seeing my book in print gives me that satisfaction. There are some parts I need to improve but those mistakes cannot puncture this inflating bubble inside me that can only think of one thing: That is my novel.

tbc 1tbc 2

And to seal the deal, I have finally received my first 2-star review. I thought I should congratulate myself. After all, the battle doesn’t look so sweet when it is too easy. If this isn’t success, and I don’t know what is.

After all, I have written one. Who knows how many I can write?

Review Request: Author Prex J.D.V. Ybasco’s To Be Continued

Awesome Review from Ms Jessica of LifeAfterBooks.com! Thanks for accepting my request and featuring me in your blog.

Life After Books

25838466I was contacted by author Prex J.D.V. Ybasco, who provided me with a copy of her work, To Be Continued. Here is my honest review.

Publication: June 25th 2015 by CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform 

My rating: 3.5 stars

Goodreads summary: Not all stories end happily nor tragically. Most of them just need to be continued. Azalea Anthony is a writer, or what she claims to be. Vim Harvey is her friend, or at least what she wants to believe. Jasmine Morrish is Azalea’s archenemy, or so what Jash believes Azalea makes people believe…er–There are other characters, too: like Warren, the basketball player, Beatrix, the model, Tom, the perfect excuse of a brother, Eclaire, the eccentric bff, etc. They all hangout in one place where they can enjoy a steaming cup of debates, an aroma of gossips, a side dish of basketball, a topping of drama, and a menu…

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Author Pages

I am glad to announce that I have finally acquired my Author Pages in Amazon and Goodreads. I still don’t know how to write an autobiography, though.

Amazon Author Page:

http://www.amazon.com/Prex-J.D.-V-Ybasco/e/B010NXS61I/ref=dp_byline_cont_book_1

Goodreads Author Page

http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/14138953.Prex_J_D_V_Ybasco

I am honestly looking for that someone who can write my biography…Syme? Maria? hehe

Prex J.D. V Ybasco